Game, Set, Match for Aeris
by dragonflygem
Summary: Aeris becomes obsessed with Andy Roddick (the very lovely tennis star) and all hell breaks loose...


Game, Set, Match for Aeris  
  
(Open to below 7th Heaven where the FFVII team is watching the Australian Open on TV. Cloud and Tifa are pashing on the couch as usual.)  
  
AERIS: Oh my chocobo! There's Andy Roddick!  
  
(On the screen appears a handsome young tennis player. The camera pans over the crowd and stops upon a pretty brunette.)  
  
COMMENTATOR: And that is Mandy Moore, the girlfriend of Andy Roddick, for over two years now.  
  
AERIS: That bitch! What the hell does she have that I don't?  
  
RED XIII: Well apart from stunning looks and a great dress sense, she's also a multimillionaire. And that's in US dollars. And we all know that the conversion from US dollars to gil is 1 to 10000.  
  
AERIS: Damn her and her all round goodness!  
  
YUFFIE: Oh my materia! There's James Blake! What happened to his hair! (she begins freaking out)  
  
AERIS: (evilly) Ha, ha, ha, he shaved his hair off! Meanwhile, Andy Roddick is still as cute as ever!  
  
YUFFIE: Whatever!  
  
(The match goes on for 3 hrs and the victor is.)  
  
COMMENTATOR: Andy Roddick - the winner of the Australian Open!  
  
(The screen shows Andy Roddick climbing into the stadium and hugging his girlfriend.)  
  
AERIS: That is so gross!  
  
RED XIII: Pardon me, but the exact thing happened at the US Open.  
  
AERIS: Shut up Red! Why do you always have to be so freakin' polite!  
  
RED XIII: (whimpers) Sorry...  
  
AERIS: I'm gonna go get that Amanda Moore, and rip her head off!  
  
(Everyone starts laughing.)  
  
CID: You don't even know how to use your rod properly, girlie!  
  
AERIS: Well I'll show you, you porno bastard Cid! And I'll show the rest of you too!!! (she runs out of the room)  
  
(Cut to Mandy Moore's mansion. Aeris rings the front door bell.)  
  
MANDY MOORE: (in her cute American accent) Hey...oh my god! You're a distorted version of the character I voiced in Kingdom Hearts! Hi Aerith!  
  
AERIS: (furious) What did you call me?  
  
MANDY MOORE: Aerith...  
  
AERIS: MY NAME IS AERIS!!!  
  
MANDY MOORE: Oh well I'm sorry. Please come in, I'll make an extended apology over a coffee.  
  
AERIS: Okay! (walks in) Nice place!  
  
MANDY MOORE: Yeah, Andy my boyfriend, paid for the décor. He's so cool!  
  
AERIS: Why you little! (Aeris strangles her and Mandy falls dead to the ground.) Now I'll just wait for Andy to return...  
  
(Cut to a few hours later in Mandy Moore's living room. Aeris plays 'I Wanna Be With You' on the deceased's expensive sound system.)  
  
ANDY RODDICK: (walks in) Hey Mandy, you know that song makes me horny...oh my god, who the heck are you!!! And where's Mandy?  
  
AERIS: Hi, I'm Aeris! I'm such a big fan of yours. Mandy is kinda...busy at the moment, he, he, he...  
  
ANDY RODDICK: Oh, okay! So where is she?  
  
AERIS: Busy...  
  
ANDY RODDICK: Right...  
  
AERIS: Anyway, I came to tell you that you don't need her. I can make up for her in every single way. I'm so digitized I can change my body in a flash and I can sing too. Just listen to a song I wrote. (she begins singing to the tune of 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star') Andy Roddick, you're so fine, How I wish that you were mine, Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky, Andy Roddick you're so fine, How I wish that you were mine...  
  
ANDY RODDICK: Okay, that was nice Aeris, but I'm in a serious relationship with Mandy...now where the hell could she be?  
  
AERIS: Andy, she's dead! I killed her! You're so into her, and you just can't get it into your thick head that I'm the girl for you! Now that she's gone and you're available...maybe we could go out, y'know...  
  
(Andy Roddick crumples down and cries.)  
  
AERIS: There, there. (she pats him on the shoulder.)  
  
ANDY RODDICK: Don't touch me you monster!  
  
AERIS: Why you little! (she strangles him and Andy falls dead to the ground.)  
  
(Cut to two days later at the High Court.)  
  
JUDGE: Aeris Gainsborough, you are charged with the malicious murder of two high profile stars that I've loved ever so dearly. What do you have to say for yourself?  
  
AERIS: They deserved it!  
  
JUDGE: I sentence you to the death penalty. Would that be the chocobo pecking or a digitally created image of Tifa and Cloud's wedding?  
  
AERIS: I beg of you, the chocobo pecking!  
  
JUDGE: Alrighty then.  
  
(Cut to Choco Billy's farm. Aeris dies instantly as a green chocobo pecks her. Everybody cheers.)  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note: Good luck Andy in the Australian Open! And seriously Mandy, I've got nothing against you, honestly...(nervous laugh) 


End file.
